porcelain
by SebonzaMitsuki27
Summary: FaiSakura. If he can't have her, no one can, as his heart cracks… snaps… and shatters.


porcelain

**fai** & **sakura**

_( unseen passion )_

disclaimer: i do not own tsubasa reservoir chronicle in anyway

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Behind the illusion…  
_Is a broken doll  
__Is a fragile smile  
__Is an endless sea of tears._

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The pale sky merges with the silver-grey clouds, its colours hard to distinguish. It looks like it's going to rain, but he can't tell. Telltale sighs of thunder and lightning flicker across his mind, but perhaps the sky is always like this? He's only been in this world for five minutes and already it seems to be a strange place. The noises, the sounds from this world seem to echo, echo, _echo_ in his ears. Or is it a side effect from dimension-jumping?

His cerulean eyes gaze emptily at the street before him, the people passing through him. He walks forward, not understanding what the people around him are saying. It doesn't matter, he'll find Mokona and the rest of them soon enough. But still, he smiles softly as he walks forward, where _is_ he?

Gracefully, he brushes his mellow yellow hair out of his eyes, his tapered fingers feeling the soft, silky strands of hair. He vaguely wonders if any of the people that he's passing are jealous of his appearance. Or are they wondering where he got his clothing…? He stops suddenly and realizes that he isn't wearing his Celes clothes. Instead, he's dressed as one of the inhabitants in this world, with jeans and a pale blue shirt. At least he doesn't stick out like a sore thumb, he muses, smiling strangely…

The traffic lights change from red to green and the magician finds himself crossing the road. He walks aimlessly, his distant smile always on his face. Occasionally it slips, his mouth weary from smiling so much, but in the blink of an eye, the smile appears again, as if it never left his face. Still the magician does not know where he is going, until he sees a pretty tree, blossoming with soft pink flowers. Drawn to it, he nimbly makes his way to the cherry blossom tree.

Faceless people chatter amongst themselves, nothing takes on a true shape, he observes as he glances round the world. Or could it be that he isn't focused enough? He sighs and finally reaches his destination: the cherry blossom tree. Vaguely he remembers that the proper name is called a _Sakura tree_.

And his heart splits into more broken shards.

_Crack. Snap. Shatter._

It isn't easy, playing a porcelain doll, hiding behind a façade. It isn't easy hiding emotions from perceptive 'friends'. It isn't easy trying to stop himself falling for someone who is already taken. And it's too late, because he's a tainted doll; his 'friends' have already seen the _unwanted_ emotion, the inner secret feeling that he desperately tried to hide. And it's too _bad_― because he's already fallen. He wasn't **supposed** to let the walls break, he wasn't **supposed** to let them into his heart, but he _did_. And now he's facing the consequences.

Someone bumps into him.

"Oh, gomensai." A muffled voice murmurs, behind him.

He turns, his face still smiling, his soul still tainted, his heart still broken and his mask breaks.

_Crack…_

"It's alright." He replies, before smiling foolishly. The person behind him can't understand him.

She looks at him, bemused. Her soft emerald eyes blink, staying blissfully innocent and pure. Her soft chocolate hair is longer than the girl he knows, shoulder length, but still, he thinks, it suits her well. Her small mouth curls into a smile, her red lips twisting into perfection. Her complexion is just like hers, if only a bit more radiant and vibrant. And this girl before him still has _her_ memories. Her smile, it's so sunny, just like hers; even now he could feel his icy exterior melting. She's the same person he knows, and yet, he doesn't know her at all.

But they share the same soul, and so, she is destined for someone else. Not him. Not the lying magician.

He tilts his head, memorising the way the light is reflected in her hair, memorising the way her eyes sparkle with happiness, memorising the softness of her aura, her porcelain skin, her moist rose lips…

"I'm Fai." He tells the girl in front of him. The _beautiful_ girl, the girl he can never―

She meets his eyes, emerald green melting into a cerulean sky. His are drawn to hers, the purity, the honesty, and the emotions so clearly shown in them. She must have understood him, or at least knew what he was trying to say.

"Anata wa Fai? Watashi wa Sakura." She replies, a faint blush spreading to her cheeks, accentuating her beauty, making him lose himself in her. He could star at her forever, just lost in her luminance. Falling deeper and deeper…

… in love.

_Snap…_

It begins to rain.

Sighing softly, he begins to turn away. And walk away from the girl he can never have. Until she touches his arm. She senses his panic, before he relaxes.

"Matte. Wait." She whispers, her words almost lost in the soft breeze. Pink sakura petals swirl all around them, a tragic couple destined for doom.

Her touch, it feels… soothing. And suddenly the world seems brighter, more colourful. Just like her. How can one girl affect him so much? He can't see her, but she knows what she's saying. _Don't go… not yet. Please Fai, please._

Why… why can he understand her?

He doesn't realise that Kurogane, Syaoran, Sakura and Mokona are here, watching him.

He turns, and smiles gently. It doesn't reach his eyes though. His smiles never do. His frosty cerulean eyes seem more intense, more sincere as he gazes into her big, open eyes. And suddenly she feels his tapered finger twirl a lock of her golden-brown hair. And then, his cold hands aren't on her hair, they're on her neck, on her face and before she knows it…

He kisses her. Softly, gently, shyly, the magician pours all his passion for her in that one kiss. And she kisses him back, her arms entwined in his hair, their bodies closer than before, his arms on her waist. He can feel the gentle breeze, the fragile petals surrounding them, it's almost _perfect_. And then, he remembers, she's not _her_. She's not _Sakura-chan_. Whether they look the same or not. Whether they have the same soul or not. Regardless if she's Sakura in a different dimension, she's _not _Sakura-chan. She's **different**, yet she's the **same**, but she's **not **the girl that Fai **fell** for.

… _**why** did you do that?_

… _why did you **kiss** her?_

… _why did you kiss the alternate **Sakura-chan**?_

**… because I know that I can never have her.**

And that, Fai thinks, as he mournfully ends the kiss, his world fading into shades of grey, is the greatest tragedy that he's ever known.

_Shatter…_

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End file.
